Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Under the Tuscan Sun


Sometimes, only in dreams do we see the path that was there all along.

You stand on the balcony, overlooking the Tuscan afternoon. It is hot, sweltering hot, but the cool drinks and the water in the fountain behind me belie the angst that I feel. You are so far away, in your thoughts, wishing you were someplace else. With someone else.

"She was beautiful," you whisper.
Taking another deep breath,
"with the most unusual green eyes.
They changed color to suit her mood.
Flecks of gold that would glow
in just the right light.
She laughed a lot.
She was kind and funny
and statuesque
and she could handle anything.
Anything at all."


"Yes, but she's gone. And now you're stuck with me." I say it under my breath so you can't really hear me, but you turn and wear a startled look. "She belongs here, with me, and I want her back." You walk away.

Later, as we lay beside each other with absolutely nothing to say, I imagine myself as her. Walking down a crowded city street, ignoring passers by - but never completely. One of my charms, it seems, in this manifestation, is that I am an observer - not a participant in life but an observer. Always watching from a safe distance.

I carry a package, small and heavy, yet not a burden. Something very, very important is inside this package. It's the light that becomes the life of my children. This is long, long before they are born, before I met their father. I carry in this package three teeny, tiny little glowing orbs. Dancing together, ready to come to life and become what they are to be - one artist, one athlete, one memory. They can't wait to come out and play.

As the people pass, they seem to understand that I carry something unique, many people lean in to look at the package. "It's just a box." I say it with anger, and don't understand where the anger comes from, a place deep and dark inside myself, already aware of the hurt and the loss that is to come. We cannot live without the knowledge that we also die. It is what we do. All of us, all the time. "Every breath together is a gift." They look at me, puzzled, and continue on their way as I whisper these words into the box.

I approach the park,
my favorite park,
the Rose Gardens full of blooms
and fragrance and, even in the heat,
the flowers are joyous.
Special moments happened here
amidst the words of Shakespeare.
Once in a lifetime moments.
This place belongs to me,
will always be the spot
where love can be felt, palpably.
And then I awake.

You are sleeping, but you've shifted so we have contact. I feel a burden lifted, the thoughts of the dream are freeing and make me feel more alive than I have in a long time. I wonder if you can see the green of my eyes in the light, if the girl that I was still wants to be here. I know that if I move, you will rouse and draw me in, but I'm not ready yet. Not just yet. I'm still dreaming of twinkling lights that dance. I am aware that the light has shifted, changed. The day is about to begin.

The light
slowly dances
across the walls
and ceiling
as the sun
approaches the hills.
Warm, golden Tuscan sun.
And a day full of promises.

11 comments:

  1. I wish I can write like you PG, this is beautiful to say the least and yes there'll be sunshine after the rain and there is Tuscan Sun waiting for you & hopefully me there to keep you company :)

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  2. You know, I could handle this heat better if we were in Italy ;)

    Yeah right. When I went there and it was hot as hell, I was still bitching.

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  3. Ah, there is something about Italy, it stirs the emotions..

    nice departure from the monkeys (not that I didn't like the monkeys;)

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  4. Oh! It is beautiful ate you trying to stir something up in me? It has been coming, but is not here yet,

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  5. The closest that I've been to Tuscany is...Daytona Beach!

    But now I feel like I've been there.

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  6. When I read the title I assumed it was a reference to the movie which, by the way, I did not see...so perhaps it is.

    Very lyrical indeed.

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  7. I would love to get lost under the Tuscan sun...and after reading this post, I think I just did. ;)

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  8. awww... what a sweet comment, Scarlet!

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  9. This is absolutely beautiful. I knew you could write but damn.

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  10. Okay.

    This puts my writing really to shame.

    (bangs his head on the ground)

    "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!"

    Seriously, that was a very beautiful piece of prose. Thanks for sharing.

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