Under covers part II

Tomorrow I get to START MY NEW JOB. Now, that may seem like a pretty minor thing in most people's lives, but I haven't had a job that could keep us fed and in monkeys for 21 months. That's 636 days that I got to wake up wondering where the kids next meal would come from. Fun!

But hey, out of the hardest times in our lives, we learn strength, discipline, and who our friends really are. Thank you to those who send me love, support and the occasional gift card. I will so pay it forward!

There have been lots of stressful moments over this 636 days. But do you want to know what I learned that I think will stick with me?

Life is really, really, really good.

I have had more magic moments, fun times, silly giggling fits, adventures, pathological lie-fests, pints of good beer, long mornings lingering over coffee, heart-stopping bliss, stomping in puddles, making snow angels, goose-chasing, love and road trips than I have in my whole life. Guess what? I got to LIVE.

Instead of drowning in my sorrow and fear and frustration, I made a list with a few simple items on it and I worked on them, each and every day:

1) Get over the old stuff.
I want to put all that baggage behind me once and for all. It happened, I survived, can we file it away in a cabinet and never go back, please? I ended a number of things. Endings are good because they allow for new beginnings.

2) Find some new stuff.
Friends, adventures, passion, sweet moments, tenderness, bliss.

3) Find my inner 7 year old.
We have recently become reacquainted and she likes banana popsicles and 50s movies, fishing and baseball games. Oh, and hiding under the covers, telling ghost stories.

4) Find my inner 20 year old.
She's a little harder to pin down. Tough as nails, she walked down the street like she owned the city. I'm working on this one and figure I'll have it down pat once I buy a new pair of boots. Yes, boots. First paycheck, these babies are mine.

5) Become the mom I've always wanted to be.
Supportive but stern, open to discussion but owner of the laws. I still could use some discipline in a couple areas, encouragement in others. I often want to escape for a weekend and I have to allow myself the opportunity to live my life, making me better at letting them live theirs. We are not attached at the hip. I am NOT abandoning them to be gone for 48 hours. Or 72 hours. Across the street or across the border.

I've been successful at almost all of these things, even though it's been painful at times. But what do we do in life that isn't painful? Only those things that really don't matter. The pain is well worth me becoming the woman I want to be. For me and for the people I love.

Today, I wish you all good things. Go find them. Let them find you. Make them happen. Don't make me come over there...