A mom moment

"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil..."

It's going to be one of those days. I woke pretty early to find Sara on the couch, loudly banging out a message on her computer. It seems one of her friends is being less than nice and Sara gets her back up whenever people aren't kind.

We spent the weekend with her friend recently. They were taken out to lunches, dinners, went to the amusement park and had a fabulous time. Sara was treating for most of these things and has spent the past week working off the loan by doing chores. She doesn't get an allowance so spending money has to be earned.

The same friend then invited Sara to a birthday party at an all ages dance club (OK, mom's, feel the hair raising on the back of your necks?) and the party started last Saturday at 10:30pm. And went to 4am. Oh, and Sara had to pay her own way in to the club and find a way to get there and home and, oh, by the way, can you pick up my two friends in Beaverton (a half hour away) and drive them down there and back because my mom is bringing all these friends of hers so none of my friends can come?

Time out. I was on the fence about the club scene (and would have attended the event myself if Sara ended up going - this place has a reputation for being rough) but I'm not this kids taxi service and Sara was highly offended on my behalf. I said she could go, I would take her and pick her up and pay her way but that I'd be there and we'd leave at midnight.

Birthday girl had a hissy fit. "Your mom can't come, it's a club for kids." I reminded Sara of the all ages status. "My mom won't bring my friends and they can't come without a ride." Then I guess they can't come. "Sara, your mom will cramp my style." That was enough for Sara to realize she didn't want to be at the party. Her excuse was that it was Father's Day weekend and she had things to do with her dad so wouldn't be able to make it. Not the best tactic, but she didn't want to hurt this friend's feelings with "you're being a jerk, my mom isn't made of money, no way."

But it doesn't end there. They went last weekend, the party occurred but it was this friend of Sara's and her mom and all the mom's friends, dancing with 17 year old boys. Ewwww. I mean really. Recently separated, is that how she gets her kicks? I was slightly nauseated. If I had gone, I would have been sitting in a back corner texting people from my cell phone, avoiding eye contact, wearing a big hat or something.

Then the invitation came for this Saturday - where the mom and the mom's friends are going, too, there's no room for the girl's friends in the car and Sara is invited - to pay her own way, stay until 4am and be the taxi for 2 other girls that are coming from quite a distance. And need a ride home at 4.

This time, I told Sara exactly what to say.

"The expectation that we have to pick up your friends isn't fair to my mom. We can get together to do something else. It won't be at the dance club because my mom says I can't go. Can we go for a walk together or make a picnic?"

The answer?

"God, when did you turn into such a bitch? Never mind... and I really don't think me and my mom should have to do all the driving and picking up and paying for, because people have their own agendas to up hold. If you were my friend, you'd do this."

So Sara, broken hearted (this is someone who has been a friend since 2nd grade) wrote me this note...

"I'm just so tired of my friends being shit heads to me when i just ask a simple question. Im really tired of all this. I dont know if I'm going to hang out with people much more, I can't take this especially at 2am. I'd love to hang out with you soon... At the moment you and Sean are pretty much the only people that don't say this stuff to me. You're the best <3" (That's a heart, by the way, for those who don't know. Also, I corrected spelling because I couldn't understand the actual version sent by both girls without a translator.)

I struggle all the time with friendships and people who push me to do things I'm not happy about. I've worked hard to create good boundaries and make people observe them or leave - and I try to teach the same things to my kids. As sad as she is, she did a good thing. She did what was right for her.

And I'm very proud. Go Sara.