It made me angry to remember how small and afraid I felt and those feelings came back for a bit. So, I stomped around, slammed some doors, stomped some more and finally thought it best to just be left alone. Mom, obviously, needed a time out.
So, I picked up my little red iPod and looked for music to suit my mood. Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden was first on the list. Ther's nothing like a little Chris Cornell to sooth the angry beast. Then, I switched over to Alanis Morrisette and Tori Amos.
Somewhere in the midst of all that stomping and slamming - and I'm good at both, by the way - I discovered myself looking at my self portrait.
I'd started it last fall as part of a friend's art class. He wasn't pleased with it because he wanted me to have a face. But in the painting, which is oil on board, I am facing away and have my arms raised. I think I'm railing at the sky. A gigantic funnel cloud comes in from the right - and I felt like that storm represented everyone's expectations of me. There are words swirling around in it. All of the things that people say I am - good and bad. On the left is another storm, this one reaching out for me but to protect me from those expectations. It is also full of words but words that protect me from those expectations, remind me of who I am. And that I'm strong.
Then, I added wings.
I finished that painting last night. When you paint, there are times you work on a painting and keep wanting to come back. This one, I can tell you right now, is done. And if it wasn't for that anger and pain I faced, by myself again, I would not have had the inspiration to face the painting - and the storm.
Would you like to see it?
Wow - great painting - and it looks angry - which is not a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI almost don't know what is it. I just now thought it was a small ship like the octopus that are sailing on the clear sea with two rowing. It is the painting? wow... great. Nice day..
ReplyDeleteGreat piece of artowrk. :)
ReplyDeleteVery unique painting I must say and ya..sometimes I do think about those bad days and quickly brush it away so I hope it is just a momentarily feeling.
ReplyDeleteHave a nice weekend PG :D
RK: You may remember the day I started it - and angry is a good way to put it!I like to think I took out my aggression on guilty paint tubes, not innocent bystanders ;-)
ReplyDeleteLover: An octopus - I like that! Someone said it looked like a bowling pin. Art is subjective.
Joe: I'm honored, coming from someone whos work I admire
Shionge: Thank you - it did pass, and painting helped. And the weekend was great!