It was a dark and stormy night

OK, it really wasn't, but it felt that way. Yesterday was one of those days when all hell broke loose with my allergies (where's the Zyrtec?!?!) thanks to spring in a new environment; no matter how hard I worked in the yard, it felt like my feet were stuck in the mud (and they actually have been - remind me to tell you the story about Beacon Rock and the rising tide some day); and, worse yet, TWO separate people, who have never met each other, asked me the question I dread, hate, lose sleep over.

Why don't you have a job?

Ahem. Excuse me for a moment while I take out my frustrations on a poor, innocent kitchen cabinet. *BANG* There, much better.



You see, I have a job. I don't like it much, don't make much money, am constantly trying to justify my existence to the people in charge and it is NOT fulfilling. But I have a job, have had it for almost a year, can keep it once I get another job and maybe actually get ahead. OK, now I'm just talking fast because I'm pissed.

I have sent out over 200 resumes. I have interviewed for more than 2 dozen positions. I have been in the final three EIGHT TIMES in the past 18 months. Follow-up has always told me that I'm overqualified (what kind of lousy excuse is that? I'll save it for another blog); that the person in charge literally was afraid I'd become their replacement (it's happened before, but come on!!); and that I am too good at what I do but that a degree is required to even get a job with any number of companies.

Why would someone interview me all the way to the finals just to realize that I don't have a degree? Um, it's not like that big vacant spot where "schooling" usually goes wouldn't raise a red flag. Does the lack of a degree somehow make me pond scum? Too lame to join the bowling team at work?

So, I was sleepless, restless and discouraged as I tossed and turned all night. (Cue damsel in distress music) How will I go on? What will I do? WHO WILL SAVE ME????

I will save myself. I've bagged groceries, walked dogs, babysat, cleaned bathrooms, sold furniture, waited tables. I will find something, but I need to be careful. Because, after all, knowing what you want to do when you grow up is crucial. And I don't really have a clue.

My daughter sat with me for a bit and we talked about dreams. She reminded me of something really important that I forget easily. She doesn't care what I do for a living - as long as she gets to see me. I only have to pay the bills (and we live simply so they're not that huge). And if I can come home from work in a good mood, all the better. Because when Mom's happy, everyone is happy.

So, this weeks agenda is simple and should be easy to follow:

Define what you want to do when you grow up. No pressure or anything.

(PS: I love this drawing. It circulated recently as part of a joke. Small child draws picture of mommy and what she does as part of a class assignment. Mommy comes in to explain the next day - there had been a snow storm, and mommy bought the last snowshovel, all the men in the shop offer her money to buy the shovel. Mommy's not a pole dancer, really...)