Under the old oak tree

Oaks Park is a phenomenal place. 103 years of continuous operation and including a very cool fun park with rides, I spend many a Sunday skating in the old roller rink.

My daughter and I spent some time with friends there tonight, a bunch of girls giggling at 80s music, singing along with The Safety Dance, laughing about the hair, the clothes, the high school days. Crying about the broken promises, the broken hearts, the hills to climb. Hasppy and content and safe.

And I felt blessed by my girls - near and far.

Thanks girls, near and far, for the love.

It was a dark and stormy night

OK, it really wasn't, but it felt that way. Yesterday was one of those days when all hell broke loose with my allergies (where's the Zyrtec?!?!) thanks to spring in a new environment; no matter how hard I worked in the yard, it felt like my feet were stuck in the mud (and they actually have been - remind me to tell you the story about Beacon Rock and the rising tide some day); and, worse yet, TWO separate people, who have never met each other, asked me the question I dread, hate, lose sleep over.

Why don't you have a job?

Ahem. Excuse me for a moment while I take out my frustrations on a poor, innocent kitchen cabinet. *BANG* There, much better.



You see, I have a job. I don't like it much, don't make much money, am constantly trying to justify my existence to the people in charge and it is NOT fulfilling. But I have a job, have had it for almost a year, can keep it once I get another job and maybe actually get ahead. OK, now I'm just talking fast because I'm pissed.

I have sent out over 200 resumes. I have interviewed for more than 2 dozen positions. I have been in the final three EIGHT TIMES in the past 18 months. Follow-up has always told me that I'm overqualified (what kind of lousy excuse is that? I'll save it for another blog); that the person in charge literally was afraid I'd become their replacement (it's happened before, but come on!!); and that I am too good at what I do but that a degree is required to even get a job with any number of companies.

Why would someone interview me all the way to the finals just to realize that I don't have a degree? Um, it's not like that big vacant spot where "schooling" usually goes wouldn't raise a red flag. Does the lack of a degree somehow make me pond scum? Too lame to join the bowling team at work?

So, I was sleepless, restless and discouraged as I tossed and turned all night. (Cue damsel in distress music) How will I go on? What will I do? WHO WILL SAVE ME????

I will save myself. I've bagged groceries, walked dogs, babysat, cleaned bathrooms, sold furniture, waited tables. I will find something, but I need to be careful. Because, after all, knowing what you want to do when you grow up is crucial. And I don't really have a clue.

My daughter sat with me for a bit and we talked about dreams. She reminded me of something really important that I forget easily. She doesn't care what I do for a living - as long as she gets to see me. I only have to pay the bills (and we live simply so they're not that huge). And if I can come home from work in a good mood, all the better. Because when Mom's happy, everyone is happy.

So, this weeks agenda is simple and should be easy to follow:

Define what you want to do when you grow up. No pressure or anything.

(PS: I love this drawing. It circulated recently as part of a joke. Small child draws picture of mommy and what she does as part of a class assignment. Mommy comes in to explain the next day - there had been a snow storm, and mommy bought the last snowshovel, all the men in the shop offer her money to buy the shovel. Mommy's not a pole dancer, really...)

What?

I woke up and let the dog out this morning. He's been naughty in the yard, chasing squirrels and the baby raccoon that has joined out menagerie of neighborhood critters. He only goes out on his long lead that's on a tether so he can't annoy the neighbors too much, since he could easily jump the fence.

There were ducks in the back yard (no big deal, I live on a huge park with a huge duck population) and his intimidating "wuuf" scared them off. I thought nothing of it because they'd been behind a big pile of shrubs I've removed and need to recycle and I figured they were enjoying a snack of slugs. They eat a lot of the things I don't want in my garden so I leave them be.

Then, an hour later, I walked out into the yard with Ez (so I didn't have to tether him again) and what should I find? He was sniffing madly around the spot where the ducks had been. And there, in the middle of the lawn, was an egg.



He didn't try to eat it yet, but I rescued it from the ground where he, the raccoons or the neighborhood cats would eat it. And I rushed it to the front yard, closer to the duck population. "Emergency egg removal," if you can use your imagination. I'm such a geek.

It won't hatch, of course, even if the ducks rediscover it because it was abandoned and I touched it. I have to wonder, Joey, how you'd feel about a freshly laid egg on your stoop in the city? Annie, with the loss of your guinea, I want to hatch this little duckling on your behalf. But I'm not equipped to be a duck-mom again. One of these days, I'll have to share the story of the ducklings we gave my mom for Mother's Day one year.

I have a feeling this won't be the first egg discovered near my little nest. And here I've been writing about omelets....

Yo'ure turning violet, Violet

I love Pop Tarts. And frozen pizza. Cartoons. Making mud pies. And being silly.

I admit that's why I had kids. Not because I wanted to add good, solid citizens to the world, make sure our families carried on after we're gone, or create the next genius, rock star or poet.

Nope - it was so I can buy Fruit Loops without guilty looks at the market.

This worked out well for me when the kids were little. They'd get Cocoa Puffs and to watch bad television all day long. They didn't have to fight me for the remote to make me stop watching soaps so they could watch Batman. But they would have to make me change it from Ren & Stimpy to Bugs Bunny. Unless it was the episode with "Don't whizz on the electric fence" song. Now there's a life lesson.

Now, we all watch Southpark together. It's better than bad, it's good. And we sing in the car to old soundtracks from our favorite Nickelodeon shows - Angry Beavers (OK, you dance to that one); The "Spring Cleaning" song from Rocko's Modern Life (I can get a good 10 minutes chores out of them by starting to sing that one); and especially Family Guy. Stupid seem to be a favorite of ours. We love watching good bad movies - like the new Willy Wonka. Or the old one. My favorite line of that one is my title here. Oh, if only bad little children had to suffer severe consequences of their actions.

So what happens when the kids go off to school, leave the nest and leave me alone to my own devices? Will there be Fruit Loops? Will there be Pop Tarts? Of course. I'll just have to pretend they're for my kids....

Me me me me me me me....

Well, I was NOT tagged by Riot Kitty and I'm still pouting, but I stole over to MikeDs page and am taking up his request for memes.

Ahem.

1. Post six random funny things about other people.
2. Then tag six other bloggers.
3. Link to the person who tagged you.
4. Be FUNNY.

Here goes.
1. I have a friend who firmly believes that all illnesses - mental and otherwise - can be cured if her friend, who can sense these things, looks at you and tells you what number is missing from "the sequence". You have people chant this missing number, write it and put it under your pillow and you'll be healed or wealthy or whatever you want. I can just picture someone sitting next to me as I sleep.... "Seven, seven, seven..."

2. The mother of a VIP in my life used to shop more than her husband liked. When he said, with a touch of scorn, "Is that a new dress?" she'd say, "Oh, no, this old thing? I've had this forever..." (having purchased it and left it in the closet for a month.) This is the same woman who had more car accidents because of "Acts of God" (You know, "Officer, a person jumped out to save a pupy falling for a 7th floor window and I had to swerve to avoid killing them both. That's how I hit the fire hydrant...")

3. When I was in high school, we had opposite day. One of my male friends wanted to dress up in a dress and be female. He borrowed a pink skirt and jacket from me and wore them, along with a nice pair of pumps, all day. And he never gave them back. I think I saw him dressed in said skirt at a club once, years later...

4. The funniest thing I have EVER heard is the sound of massive cussing coming out of my sweet, 14 year old son's mouth as he plays Dead Rising. "Mom, they're zombies. They piss me off as I fucking blow them away!"

5. My son did a dance for the camera once and I figured he'd never forgive me for saving it - until the day he asked me to post it on the internet. Turn up your volume...


6. To be fair to my son, the girl in the house needs her moment of shame - I mean in the sun. She is funniest when not saying a word.

Slow and Steady

Home stretch time on a big project. I've been trying to stay focused which can be tough with a boy requiring medical intervention, an anxious daughter and a dog needing veterinary care. Oh, and visits from lots of old friends I haven't seen in a coons age (I love that saying!)

So I'll be brief. Really.

I had someone ask me what I did for myself this week (um, I'm a MOM? what do you mean by this "do for yourself" thingy?)

This week, for myself, I:

Spoke with 5 friends on the phone
Wrote a blog a day and commented on many friends wonderful stories
Bought a gift for myself and a close friend to share (can you say pedicure?!?!)
Had a honey lavender steamer at my facorite coffee shop last night (heaven in a cup)
Backed up the kids computers (to avoid the evil, April 1st virus that so far hasn't hit. But will. And I would have been cut off from the world...)
Made plans for a trip north to visit one of my best friends
Met an old high school buddy for coffee - and laughed for an hour straight
Donated my time to a worthy organization
Saw a sunrise
Walked the dog

I could go on but I guess you get the picture. Little stuff done in between the big stuff makes me happy. And I like the slow, steady pace most of my days take on. Much better than the chaos of working 60 hours a week and trying to have a family life on top of that, let alone keeping from losing my mind.

So, today, I'm grateful for the pace, and my friends. Even for my silly daughter who wants her computer back. Go be grateful for something, already!!

As the Omelet Turns

Scarlet gave me this great idea for a post. In Cuba, she tells me, they say "You never know which way the omelet is going to turn" and I love it.

One of my best friends on the planet, RK (who I didn't even know a year ago!!) showed up in my life just when I needed her most. She makes me laugh like nobody else and shares yummy deep fried tofu and tempura and tea. Oh, and the coffee - there's always coffee. Good coffee. She reminds me that there are people to lean on and help is just a phone call or text away. She checked on me when my son was at the orthopedist - she never forgets an important day or an important moment.

So the omelet turned out well on that one.

When I was a little girl, I wanted very few things. To learn to drive ( I thought it looked so cool and complicated!) and a car of my own some day; to have a family, a son and a daughter, that I was going to name Nancy & Steve. OK, I got the 2 kids but not the names. It's funny how knowing someone with a name can change your opinion of said name. Their names both start with the same letter and I am forever cracking myself up with the alliterations I can spin, to their chagrin; to live by a park with ducks and a wading pool.

I have those things. All of them. And they make me happy, just like I thought they would. Thanks, omelet! Nice job!

The places in my life where I struggle become more clear when I think simply.

A good job - yeah, food is important but I downsized when I was let go 18 months ago and here I sit, blogging. Can I really complain?

A fulfilling position that challenges me - but I can be challenged with the volunteer work I do. I want to start a unique program to feed the homeless. Maybe there's something to be said for bagging groceries, washing cars, serving espresso.

Fulfillment in my friendships - I have THE best friends, I need to work on some relationships a little harder, be more available to people and balance all of that with my daughter's very special needs. As a teenager, friendships came easily. You were stuck with a large group of people and you picked the people you didn't hate to hang out with. OK, maybe it hasn't changed so much. But my options have expanded so much and my friendships help define me. If you are reading my blog regularly, you get to call yourself one of those.

Stretching and expanding myself - I get bored easily, would hate to think that fulfillment requires challenges (oh, PLEASE tell me I'm not one of those girls, always looking for trouble, drawn to drama) but also know I'm never going to be satisfied sitting around knitting socks on a sofa of an evening. I vote for a life of balance.

I think life has done a pretty good job of being a good omelet for me. Sometimes there are crunchy bits that don't taste so good. At times there are soft squishy spots that are totally unappealing. But almost every day, it turns out just the way it needed to.