Ghosts

Do you believe in ghosts? I always have, in a strange sort of way. When my great-grandfather died when I was 13, I went home to find a sixpence on my pillow. I was sure that someone in my family had left it there so I laughed it off. Throughout my life, on momentous occasions, I would often find a sixpence someplace. When Keith's dad died 10 years ago, I found one on the bedroom floor when we got home from his house. I found one at the hospital the day Sean was born. I was most surprised to find one at Multnomah Falls when Sara and I were driving up to my Grandfathers funeral in Carson, Washington. There were hundreds of people there and it was sitting right smack dab in the middle of the raining overlooking the falls. I laugh these things off frequently. I found one on my keyboard this morning.

Sean is adamant that Jessie is still here with us - and she brought a friend. Our dog Rosie died in 2006 and Sean thinks she couldn't find us in our new house until Jessie went and snagged her from whatever form of heaven dogs attend. Now, she and Jessie seem to be protecting the house in their newest form. It's probably just Jessie energy left over in the walls - she loved this place and it comforts me to think of how happy she was at the end. But ghosts? I kind of like the idea. I even heard a couple dogs walking down the street on Friday that sounded just like my 2 trouble makers. One was a sheltie (like Rose) and one was a basenji mix (like Jess) and it even yodeled the was Jessie would when she was happy. I had to smile, it felt like a visit from old friends.

Keith and I both dreamt of Jessie last night. He saw her at the screen door, hackles up because a cat was on HER patio. I walked into our huge, spa-like bathroom in my dream and saw her just sitting there, waiting for me to take her on a walk. When I followed her out and then couldn't find her, Keith reminded me (within said dream) that she's gone. I wasn't immediately overcome with sadness - I laughed. Because that is the gift Jessie gave me every day. A laugh as she chased the neighbors cat off the fence, when she treed another of the baby squirrels that live in our yard, and especially when she was annoyed because I wouldn't leave the 60" tv to "Meerkat Manor" and she wanted to bark at the 3' tall Meerkats.

Today, I will still miss my dog. But I also know that another dog will never replace her. I also know that just like my ability to love my people, I have the ability to love as many animals as I can afford to feed. When the time is right and I need a walking partner again, there are a number of awesome animal rescue organizations and I'll check them all out until I find my next foot warmer, entertainer and squirrel chaser. But for now, the hole Jess left feels less empty, more like a place I'll always save. I added her dog tag to my keys yesterday so even though my neighborhood walks will be solo for a while, I'm not alone - Jess is here with me, and she brought Rosie along for the ride.