More calm, please

I have always been a positive person. At least almost always.

A recent spate of events has made me question how you stay positive when all hell is breaking loose in your life. Not to complain, but it at times feels a though the gods must, really, be crazy.

Cancer, chemotherapy and the bills that come with it in my household.
Illness that couldn't be figured out and didn't go away until I moved. Oh, and the bills that go with it.Plus watching my son go through a long list of invasive tests that never figured out what was wrong.
A move to a new house that was confounded by crazy weather including snow and flooding. No locusts, though.
Anxiety at high levels, a child unable to attend school (wait, make that 2) and the bills that go with it.
Never having a moment to yourself - priceless. Oh, wait - that's someone else's tag line. I believe it's even copyrighted. Oops.

So what's a girl to do on a Monday morning with looming responsibilities, no end in site to the underemployment picture, cash flow at critical mass.... and a boy with a broken finger?

Sean jammed his finger playing basketball yesterday. And not being a wimp, it took him a few minutes of icing it by himself before he came to me, tears building in his eyes, to ask what he could take for the pain.

It's ugly. But I have a cafeteria plan (for the uninitiated, that's an account that saves my bacon early in the year by paying all the medical, pharmacy bills and counseling copays that are not covered by insurance. Then, I put money into it slowly over the year - but I can spend it before I pay into it. Thank the gods.)

I had a slight moment of panic about having to go to the ER on a Sunday (and the distinct knowledge that it would cost me $400 instead of the $18 fee to see his doctor in the morning) so talked him into waiting. After all, it's possible he just jammed it and it's not broken, but the swelling and black & blue color make it pretty certain that a splint is in his future.

But I digress. I want more calm because I used to always say "less chaos, less stress, less pain, please" and, based on a very popular book that some of you may have read, this supposedly brings more of those very things into my life. Because the universe hears the action words (stress, chaos, pain) and ignores the words less or no or lots of. I'm not sure I believe, but I'm hedging my bets. I like to refer to the universe as "George". Because it makes me sound less crazy.

So, when the landlord called yesterday to tell me "don't worry, my realtor is showing the property, but it probably won't turn into anything..." I hit panic mode. I just moved, I just remodeled, I just really don't want to have to go through all that again. But, I rented on a month to month basis, knowing that my challenged credit and my pit bull make renting difficult.

And the universe provides, right?

So here's to: more work (the paying kind); more fun (of the silly variety); more success (of the emotional kind) and the occasional road trip. How about a place to live that doesn't leak or have ants or change on a monthly basis. We'll leave those challenges at the door and look for challenges that stretch the mind, body & soul but not the level of patience.

PS: Don't buy bread in paper bags. At least during flu season.

Ciao!