Review Time

When I was a boss, I always did reviews of my employees. Not the kind you normally think of - when I tell them where their strengths and weaknesses are, try to encourage growth and ask them where they'd like to improve.

Nope - they had to review me. As their boss and as a person.

I have kept each and every one of these reviews. The language of them shines a beacon on the type of employer/employee relationship we had. For those who worked hard - imperfect as they were - I seemed to receive decent reviews about how I step in to help, offer the option of support (I always told them to raise a red flag if they needed an assist) and that I was good at team building.

But the one that stands out most in my mind is one written by someone who didn't like me very much. She had lots of reasons to resent me (as anyone would who has been replaced) and vented voraciously in her review....but she wrote one nice thing among the poison.

"Rachel has an interesting way of keeping friendships and work relationships in their proper place. I feel that she has my best interest at heart no matter the circumstances or my attitude and I appreciate her candor. She never surprises anyone but makes sure the entire team is aware of upcoming issues."

Hm. All this from the woman who made a Rachel voodoo doll. Which I still have, thank you very much.

Running across my file of reviews from the last 12 years reminded me of a birthday tradition I intend to keep this year. It's review time.... not of myself, but of what the world has offered. Here's my top ten off the top of my head...

10) I have the coolest, most supportive, never to leave me in the dark no matter what, group of friends. Vastly different and unbelievably complex, these guys are irreplaceable.
9) Amidst loss there is always light. I had to put my dog to sleep in May and was devastated. I swore I'd never get a dog again, that it hurts too much to lose one we love.... and discovered Ezmond not 2 months later. He warms my feet when I'm cold at night and he gives big, wet, sloppy, knock-you-down kisses. And he makes me feel whole.
8) Fear doesn't really have a place in my world. Being afraid of something wastes a lot of time and energy when, in all reality, the things we fear are rarely the things that hurt us. So why bother?
7) Nothing beats a day of the blues like a good hour roller staking with your best friend to organ music on a Sunday.
6) Photobooths rock
5) January 1, 2008 I had an email account and a web site. Now, I blog and am on facebook, myspace and twitter. And, I've reconnected with 4 very good friends, any number of former coworkers and acquaintances, and made many more. Actual friends from virtual contact. Who would have guessed.
4) I've always had this need for a sister, and I found her this year - in the form of a kindred spirit that warms my heart when I least expect it and need it most. And she's damn funny!
3) Purging stuff is cathartic. About to move, I'm making a major play to reduce what I have by 2/3. Really. Getting rid of a majority of the stuff I've collected, paring down to the basics. If I don't love it, I don't need it.
2) What goes around does truly come around. All those years of being super-cheerleader-supportive-loving-giving Rachel has returned things to me that I cannot even being to describe. I can't wait to be on the giving side again.
1) Love is not something to fear or hide from. In all its forms, it brings great joy and immense sorrow. And I wouldn't take back saying those words any of the hundred times I have.

I wish you new beginnings in this next year as I go exploring, looking for my own.